clap for me research monkey
Why Pele is king of the kitchen…i heart internet
I’m never too impressed with my generation. Sure, we’re more socially aware and more accepting than previous generations, probably due to the tremendous amounts of information we have access to. Sure, we might be more creative and view life more holistically than our parents but we’re full of a lot of horrible things. We’re incredibly self centered, I mean look at Twitter. Am I really that important that I need to let everyone know my feelings about this episode of 24 as it’s going on? We’re obsessed with instant gratification. Our parents were chumps, waiting in line. What’s the deal with that? My oh my how we are such consumers. This shirt, oh sure it looks like yours , but see this crocodile? It means it’s more expensive. What trend can I follow next in order to beat the trend that’s coming up now? Why do I need to buy this i_____, because it’s newer! This 20 dollar water bottle is the greatest! Sure beats drinking water out of a glass like those plebes… Just when I lose it and curse my own generational inadequecies, I find something like this :
This is why I love the internet. It’s my generations crowning achievement that we are able to dig through the wasteland of information, to find nugget after nugget of meme gold. Sure, there are more important things that need to be remembered and are certainly more deserving to be remembered but it’s so hard to argue against an “underwater” Batman fighting to drunken lounge music… sorry Gaza strip, your problems will wait another day… hehehe “BLOOP”
edit: on a side note, Broken Social Scene comes in town on Monday , but I have a test on Wednesday… what a cruel world.
to think, tattoo time today!
ah tattoos! the conformist’s youthful rebellion! sure, it’ll look like absolute crap once you put on 10 pounds or age 5 years but for the time being, it’s the best 300 dollars you’ll spend and it’s the cheapest and therefore the most exciting way to get hepatitis. it’s been 8 years since I’ve wanted to get a tattoo. Every year I promised that if I kept thinking about it, that would get one. sure, i don’t have the looks of your typical tattoo-ie… tattooine? but at least it won’t be a tramp stamp or anything tribal or ridiculously corporate ( cough cough air jordan )
possible left forearm :
פְּתַח-פִּיךָ שְׁפָט-צֶדֶק; וְדִין, עָנִי וְאֶבְיוֹן.
somewhere on the back/side
shoulder :
Quote of the Day
“ That’s not a good feeling right there …”
- Survivalist/Ninja Bear Grylls after slipping and nearly falling to his death
random thoughts
Things that have been swimming in my head :
1. Recreational ice skating is one of the best spectator activities. Everyone skates slowly and awkwardly around a ring in the same direction, never taking anything but left turns. The parents are only there to watch children fall and crash into the side boards. It is the NASCAR of outside activities.
2. FOX has the worst college football theme. It cheesy over the top gladiator music that fits too well with the Longhorn band’s cheesy over the top cowboy costumes.
3. After watching the BCS games on FOX, I no longer care about the new Dodge Ram with it’s “rambox” and ability to jump through burning/exploding barns in the middle of the dessert. Nor do I care about the new F150 with it’s towing control or the crazy smart engineers that designed it. However I do want to drive the new 370Z through a hazy tunnel and I would like to eat my carry on luggage that consists of oil, salt and white corn.
4. When I die, I would like to be buried in a granite mausoleum that has all my accomplishments etched into it’s side ala Roland Burris. It will be one foot tall and have “had a badonkadonk ” on the side. Courier will be my choice of font.
5. Why did Billy Corgan shave his head? Did he see the batboy and think, ” that’s a good look! ” ?
6. I will no longer buy blue toilet bowl tablets. The unnatural blue color of the water combined with the miscellaneous ____ that come out of my body make for an even more unnatural and sickly looking color. I don’t like it very much. Plus the tablets break up and clog the channels so I don’t get a satisfying flush.
7. Charlie Rose has the best interviews. I mean what does a 67 year old white guy have in common with Danger Mouse, Conan O’Brien and Jack White? Plus , that all black background is serious business. You don’t go onto Charlie Rose to mess around, it’s game time.
I miss Jeff Buckley
Sure I didn’t get into him until after he died but his otherworldly voice brings me chills at the 4:52 mark… more Buckley, less Jonas Brothers
Hockey
The best thing I read today :
There is a certain etiquette that must be followed for fans that wish to throw octopuses onto the ice.
Runner up : An ad at my complex’s bulletin board in which someone is selling a “Single Sofa” … think about it.
History’s Greatest
I don’t know about you, and by you, I mean me, but you/I seem to get a lot of e-mails from people who think they’re contacting another you who actually isn’t you/me. That’s right, I speak of the ever important but COMPLETELY significant period that lies between my first and last name in my G-Mail account. Without it I might a biostatician , a soldier off in Iraq or some sort of middle school chess player. Either way, it is now time to compile a list of the greast me’s and why me/I and greater then them/us.
ALL ABOARD THE RANKING TRAIN :
Runner up :
He could be the best of us all. Or the bringer of doom.
Fourth Place
We are a proud person with an honorable name. This crap won’t fly.
Third Place
Clearly a great man who has accomplished much, but move aside pops, the future is for the young.
Second- Tie
what a magnificent beard. His facial hair prowless can only be matched by the man who contributed to this
The one to rule them all
My God! His Hair. The waves , the volume. It speaks to me. It nutures me. it… it .. it completes me
death by FOB snacks
I’m going to die, covered in a mountain of these soy sauce flavored seaweed wrapped rice snacks.
No one will try to revive me because my breath smells too bad from eating them.
The secret ingredient ? Cocaine. Possibly “love” but mostly cocaine.
At the Dna Replication In
When you spend your time reading about DNA Replication and protein synthesis you end up learning a lot about initiation. For most people this isn’t a problem, but for me, it leads to a three minute distraction in which I try to clear the song Initiation by At the Drive-In out of my head. Ah yes, nothing mixes quite so well like post-hardcore rock and bacterial genetics
Talkin’ about… thug love
What is thug love ?!?! I mean, I understand the idea : a girl and a guy, both presumibly ” thug” , meet in a bar/party/club/airline bathroom and proceed to go back home/penthouse/the next bathroom stall and yadda yadda. What boggles the mind is that emcees think that these kind of lyrics are effective. As an Asian American who grew up in white suburbia, I feel it necessary to present to you the definitive collection of thug love rhymes. Also, because this is a family friendly blog , and by that I mean no one reads this but one day I might have to put this on my CV as a background check, I’ve creatively editted the lyrics.
1 ) Lil Wayne – “Grown Man”
“Now I don’t really hit the club but tonight I’ll make an exception
For some reason I can’t seem to keep my eyes out your direction
I’m lookin’ at you so hard, I could probably catch a charge
Feelin’ the way you walk when you move yo booty applaud”
Yeah, that’s nasty. She sounds like she has gas problems.
2. Kayne West - ” The New Work Out Plan”
” Maybe one day girl we can ‘engage in sexual realtions’
So you can brag to all your homies now
But I still mess with a big girl if you ain’t fit girl I’ll hit girl “
This man has no standards, so if he hits on you, probably means you meet his only standard : being alive.
3) Talib Kweli- ” Won’t you Stay”
“Ladies you ever felt growing away
By your man
Asking “Baby, won’t you stay?”
He chilling with his crew
He should be building with you
<later in the song>
Gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go”
Wait… what?!?!
4) David Banner – ” Play”
” …”
5) Jordan Knight – ” Give it to you”
“It’s creepin around in your head
me holding you down in my bed
You don’t have to say a word
I’m convinced you want this”
Ok ok, so yes, he’s hardly an Emcee and even worse he’s not even thug, however, nothing says ” we get it” like white guys copying black guys. As hard as Mr. Jordan ( circled in blue ) tries, he fails miserably and comes off sounding like court testimony. What’s creepin around in your head? That’s the GHB. Me holding down in your bed? yeah… getting creepier. ” You don’t have to say a word ” creepy level increasing? ” I’m convinced you want this” , CREEPY WARP FACTOR 10! You’ve gone from thug love to a disgusting criminal offense accompanied by plenty of jail time in which you too, can experience the pleasures of having someone convincing themselves that ” you want this”.
