There are too many jobs that Asians should not do : professional NBA player ( that includes you Yao ) , professional stripper,air guitar champion, etc. etc… However, what will future generations of Asian Americans be ?  More importantly, what occupation should the current generation look at the envy while simultaneously cursing their parents for their parent’s lack of foresight ? I present to you, the occupation we were made for :

Formula 1 Racing

I’m dead serious. Allow me to present to you, an air tight argument of why our future lies in the curvy tracks of Formula 1.

1. We’re short? Check

Lewis Hamilton ? He’s 5′7.  Michael Schumacher ? 5′8. Mika Hakkinen ? 5′10 but he’s Finnish, meaning he’s a tiny Finn. Go to Chinatown or any place where there is cheap and possibly illegal gambling and you’ll see a sea of Asian men, all under 5′10. This is our genetic gift. It allows our women to stay small and disguise their legality when it comes to going to the movies , which strangely enough, allows us to be cheap by paying “student” prices.

2. No need for physical anything? Check

We’re good at sitting on our ass all day and barely moving our arms. Who is the best Starcraft player? A Korean guy. Who are the best World of Warcraft gold miners? Chinese guys.  Who are the fastest assembly line workers? Chinese women. What do they have in common? They sit and move only their arms, never turning their head to socialize with fellow workers or the rest of society. No, eyes straight ahead… even a horse needs blinders. Further more, power steering and a demand to be light means muscle mass is not only useless, it’s unwanted.

3. More beautiful half Asian half European children ? Check.

4. Gaudy painted cars with ugly racing suits ? Check.

We started the tuner scene in America, hell the even named the cars “Ricers” due to our love of 2.0 L Hondas and that delicious white food staple.  It’s all about out doing each other and the best way to do it is to have you and your car covered in meaningless corporate logos. Besides, we’ll corner the market! Who wouldn’t want to wear a fire suit covered in Sony, Samsung and Kikkoman logos?

5. Remove the negative stereotype that Asians can’t drive ? Check

Have you been to Chinatown ? Better yet, have you been to China ?  We can’t drive.  Once we conquer F1 ( and maybe NASCAR if the good ole boys let us play ) we’ll finally be able to show the world that all the “racing” stickers on our Civics are directly proportional to our driving ability.

Words of advice :

1. Resist the urge to yell ” Vtec just kicked in, Yo! , … especially now that Honda is involved in F1 racing

2.  Easy on the champagne after you win. Your dehydrated state plus the dreaded Asian flush is not a good combination. Also if you happen to compete in the Indy 500 ( yes IndyCar isn’t F1 but it’s still open wheel ) avoid the milk when you win. If you’re Asian, chances are you lactose intolerant.  Use Soy Milk, won’t cause you to die and it boots your Asian street cred.