I’m now at that age where more and more of my friends are geting married which inevitably leads to desolate and all consuming world of child rearing.  At my church alone, women are popping out babies left and right.  It’s as if the balance of pregnant women must be maintained : for every newly “seeded” woman , there is another who has just been “harvested”.  Something in the lunches they serve or maybe it’s the fact that kimchi is a well known aphrodisiac… might not be true.  Either way, we now have a surplus of generation Z-ers or AA-ers or something. What to do with these 6-10 lb bundles of joy?  Well, it’s not important what to do with them, as to what NOT to do with them.  So for the zero people who actually read this, I submit to you :

how not to raise your children: the Golden Rule

Do not encourage your child to be an engineer :

Do you know how many Asian engineers are out there ? Do we really need more ? Granted, engineering is a fine profession. It pays well, is relatively stable and it utilizes the dual Asian prowess of mathematical dexterity and subordination to white men. However, ask any three year old child ” What do you want to be when you grow up ? ” and “process engineer” or ” systems engineer” are words that don’t exist in their feeble vocabulary.  Not even the cool engineers like aerospace or mechanical engineering will come up.  Children and tweens are too young and too stupid to understand the necessity of job stability or steady work place advancement.

Consider this : we all reach a point in life where we can buy something we’ve been dreaming of for a long time : a new car.  This is your first new car, the one that you’ve been thinking about since you turned 16.  If you raise your child to be an engineer,they’ll buy a 2.0 L , 4 door champagne-colored Honda Accord.  Why ? Because it’s spacious, reliable and well built? No, it’s because they’ve given up on life and their hopes and dreams and have settled into a life  of beige.  Just like a engineer.

However, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have your little girls date an engineer.  What safer way to introduce your little girl into the world of dating then allowing her to date an engineer : a man who’s lack of creativity combined with his flatlined libido will ensure that her first date will be free of anything remotely close to interesting.  Perhaps a moderately price meal at a nation wide steakhouse followed by a documentary about the Cold War. Safe.

I mean really, are you threatened by this guy?