So, ever since I was a tiny fat kid, I’ve always enjoyed the girl fronted rock band.  I don’t know why, I mean, they’re most aren’t all that good.  It’s like the WNBA, you respect the girls for doing what the guys can but if you can’t dunk the ball or block someone or occasionally go into the stands and punch a fan, something isn’t up to par with the men’s game.  However, every stage of my life , there has been some sort of girl fronted rock band that I’ve absolutely adored. So without further adieu and hopefully without any sort of patronizing chauvinistic writing, I submit to you :

Please don’t hurt me, GF : the girl rock stars I adored

1.  The Breeders, Kim Deal :I was a fat awkward, loud and naive child.  I was too fat and too awkward to really understand what this song was about.  It’s like when you have a little kid who goes around cursing, it’s cute for a while but then you realize what’s actually going on and then you’re mortified :

2.  The Brilliant Green, Tomoko Kawase : Ok, so every asian goes through that ” I love everything Japanese” phase.  At least I think we all do.  Anyways, sure most of our grandparents and great grandparents harbor some resentment towards the Japanese and sure, deep down inside no one really needs one of these , but a tiny densely populated country lead to lots of super super cute and super super adorable thing so why not a fun band as well

Did I mention Tomoko is 33 and married to the bass guitarist ? no matter.

3. Sarge, Elizabeth Elmore : If elementary school was a light spring shower of uncomfortableness, middle school was a monsoon of awkwardness.  Sure, Elizabeth Elmore couldn’t sing all that well but she had an advantage! She could play GUITAR! Take that Kim, where is your mind now!?!?! Everyone knows that bass guitarists are one step below the drummers. But yes, forget that her voice is shrill and not all that great, for me a ,  a middle school student unaware of the acne filled terror that high school would bring, Elizabeth Elmore was queen.  A funny side note, I had all these songs by Sarge on a cassette tape ( remember those? ) that I recorded of 91.7 but it wasn’t till college that I learned who actually sung them… that just screams “winner.”

Side note. Ms. Elmore actually had a law degree by the time I got into college, so I’m sure if she really cared, she could sue me for being creepy.

4. Kelly Clarkson

For the people who know me, I have a rich deep baritone voice, not unlike the hypothetical love child of Barry White and Garrison Keillor.  When you take those guys to go sing karaoke ( trust me, I have ) the first thing they sing is Since You Been Gone which , with those kinds of chocolaty voices, can only be sung in falsetto. All of it. This is all about being who you’re not, for me it’s about shaking of my million dollar voice in exchange for a gut wrenching, gender bending soprano voice. It’s just that good.

Runner up :

Mandy Moore. Don’t ask me to explain.