I like cars.  I really do.  In fact, I might be a bit bold as to say that I’m a car enthusiast.  Sure I don’t know anything about engines ( I can’t tell you what engine displacement means ) and sure, I’m not some guy who can see a 196_ Chevy ____ with a 4__ small block and _____ and immediately fill in the blanks.  Inspite of my lack of technical knowledge, I think we can all agree that an owner of black 96′ Toyota Camry that’s missing all it’s hubcaps and has two broken doors surely knows a little something about cars. Furthermore, what exactly qualifies me to give my humble , but completely correct opinion?  Well, the following cars make me feel all sort of strange and exciting ways :

I mean come on, that’s got to mean something ? Right? Tiny little pictures of fantastic cars and I feel all goofy like a high school freshman?

Anyways, it’s time that I, in my infinite wisdom give you five perfectly good cars, perfectly wonderful cars that have been completely ruined by the people who drive them.  Yes, cars are an extension of you and if you are a hopeless inbred dimwit, then your car is a reflection of your dimwitted inbredness.  So, I present to you, my loyal audience of zero people ….

Zoom Zoom in the Boom Boom : A story of some cars

1. Infinity G35 :

Sports tuned exhaust. 298 hp v6.  0-60 mph in 5.4! I mean, what’s not to love. Well I’ll tell you.  AZNS.   It poached the title of the “Most AZN car” out from the greasy grasps of the Civic and old Lexus IS.  Go to SoCal and I’m sure this car is “hella” popular.  It’s a known fact that azns ruin everything : break dancing, Hip Hop, free boxers from the GAP and now cars!

2.  BMW M3

Wonderful car. Brilliant car.  Every RS4, every AMG C63 , every 3.0 IS or any four door sedan owes it’s life and it’s heritige to this car… and I just can’t stand it.   Every popped collar business student frat boy dreams of this car.  I assume it has something to do with the fact that the unique shape of the hood combined with the extra M3 badges allows the car to perfectly amplify the word “bro” or ” broham” through a bluetooth headset while traveling at 120 mph.  Dude, time for a keg stand bro!

3. Lexus RX series

It’s no secret that I hate SUVs. They’re big and useless and almost always haul around ridiculously big ( by big I mean fat ) and ridiculous stupid ( and by stupid I mean stupid ) owners. This car, this car is the worst.  It’s not driven around by men who want to feel all mighty as they drive in front of you and block your view of on coming traffic, no no, this car is driven by the wives of the fat and idiotic male owners.  Who’s more stupid, the person who leads or the person who says ” hey, that leader knows what he’s doing ! ” Yeah, besides, this guy drives it.

4. The new Acura TSX

Holy crap! It’s so damn ugly.

5. A King Ranch Ford

Some how, some way,  Ford has convinced you that for a few extra thousand dollars, you can partake in the  rough and tumble cowboy lifestyle while you drive your way to your office cubicle downtown where you wrangle up some TPS reports and possibly brew some Folgers over an open fire…. GIDDY UP!