Introduction :

When you’re an Asian male and you grow out your hair, you’re going to look like Bruce Lee. Doesn’t matter if you’re fat, skinny, short, tall , pale or any of the combinations of Asian we can get : you look like Bruce Lee. Especially to black people.

Transition :

I really don’t like fan boys. Sure everyone hates the video game fanboy and even more so the Apple fanboy, but I’m talking about the personal fanboy. The guy who loves everything you do. I personally don’t have that because no amount of love will ever cover my general distaste for things. In fact, my true fanboy would actually have to scrutinize and hate all aspects of me to truly love me. It’s a tricky paradox that will never happen. Also people who constantly make the “best/worst _____. ever. ” statement really bother me. This has nothing to do with those people fan boys but they do.

Tension :

I’ve figured out the secret to the fob squat. It’s a perfect storm of the gene pool’s shitty alleles

a. the infamous “turnip” legs – strong legs from the knees down. helps us plant, much like a radish.

b. pancake asses – watch out white girls, this allows us keep the weight over our flat feet keeping us from falling back

c. thin upper bodies – effectively lowering our center of mass

d. long torsos – for perfect 50:50 weight ratio ( much like a race car )

e. flat feet – evenly distributed weight plus no arch = more grip, much like racing slicks.

to summarize in picture form :

the sum of these

equals

compelling.

Resolution :

Nike Soccer has the best commercials :

Calvin Murphy is insane

Fixing your own phone is difficult