This weekend concluded Houston’s African themed International Festival ( I think the theme was “Out of Africa ” ) : a theme that covered native Ethiopian dancing, Nigerian food, a visibly bored Emeke Okafor as well as turkey legs, a Strawberry Shortcake inflatable play pen and a fake slave auction ( educational but someone what disconcerting )

Overall, not a bad time. Weather was nice. Food smelled good. Turkey legs are always good and so is beef suya. However, nothing kills a fun time like the visor wearing, collar popping, bud light drinking, fake tan greasing white boys ( cause they almost always are ) of your local fraternity. Sitting around, watching them and their hairless guts really really puts a dent into things. The world is full of these guys but we can be free. In fact, the only reason why these “men” exist is because of their female counterparts, the douchebaguettes ( not my word )

Women honestly should rule the world if not for their lack of ambition or inability to harness their feminine charms. Think about it. It’s perfectly acceptable, if not slightly humiliating, to be whipped. It happens to all nearly all men if they’re paying attention to their women. However, it’s perfectly unacceptable to do the same to a woman : that’s called mental and physical abuse and the government doesn’t put up with that shit.

Look at history and literature : Mark Antony and Cleopatra, Marc Anthony and JLo, the Trojan Wars, Oprah and Stedman, Posh and Becks. Whipped whipped and whippeder ( yes, I made that up ). These men only exist in the context of their women and so eloquently demonstrate the insane lengths men go to impress the fairer ( what a misnomer ) sex. Look at the Biblical fall of man, not only did woman first take the fruit, but convinced a perfect and sinless man to sin : it’s as if we were genetically inclined to be whipped. IN FACT WE ARE! Animal mating procedures is all about the male trying to impress the female, never the other way around.

We men have no recourse to this and so we’ll continue to live a life under female oppression, first from the matriarchal tyranny of our mothers to the inevitable scorn and disgust of our wives. This,in combination with our crippling stupidity, makes for a horrible horrible existence. So the next time you see a douchebag, sure, look at him with disgust and think about spitting in his face, but just remember to pity him, you’re one step away from joining him…..bro.